GAME OVER

The part of every RPG video game that I struggle with the most is character creation. Determining my character’s build and attributes is way more stressful for me than is probably healthy. It is especially stressful when you don’t know the short-term and long-term implications of the decisions you’re making. The difficulty and potential of the game depend on these split-second, uninformed decisions.

In a lot of ways that is what my entire life has felt like. I have been clicking around the character creation screen unable to decide on my character settings and in the meantime I have let precious time slip by that could have been used to actually play the game.

The difference between video games and real life is repeatability. If you become unsatisfied with your character at any point in the game then you have the ability to start over. In real life you have one play-through. If you get through sixty years of gameplay and realize that you have not played the game right you do not get to hit the reset button. You just die.

GAME OVER

BEANS

Beans, beans the magical fruit.

The more you eat, the more you toot.

The more you toot, the better you feel.

But not really because you are only meeting a base physiological need and this could never fill the deep, existential dread buried deep within you.

Legumes may be near the top of the food pyramid, but they are at the bottom of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

Even still, the fleeting comfort of a full belly is enough to distract from the resounding emptiness of every other facet of life.

So let’s have beans for every meal!

BEANS

HIATUS

As all zero of you have probably noticed I have not posted anything in several weeks. Everyone’s famous teenage delinquent, Ferris Bueller, once said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Not really relevant to this situation because time passing presumes something is happening and I cannot be bothered to look around as that would require me to do anything at all. Meaningless movie quotes and vague excuses aside, starting next week we will return to our regularly scheduled programming (whatever the fuck that means).

Cordially yours,
No Onions, Please.

HIATUS